Why Aggressive Women Cant Win at Work (and How to Deal)

Why Aggressive Women Cant Win at Work (and How to Deal)Why Aggressive Women Cant Win at Work (and How to Deal)Youre in an executive meeting. The guy to yur left stands, pounds his fist on the table and barks about whatever he thinks matters. Hes so passionate about our business somebody comments, almost in awe. The next guy, the one across the table, adds his two cents, nearly shouting in disagreement. And the anfhrer steps in to temper the team. No need to be so aggressive, he says, chuckling with a wink.Now its your turn. You dont agree with one of the initiatives for the upcoming quarter. So you speak up- just as equally passionate and aggressive as your male colleagues. But what you hear in response is something along the lines of No need to get so emotional, and in the hallway, someone whispers, Shes so bitchy.Can you picture it? I bet you can. Have you lived it? Chances are, you have- or something like it. Ive seen this double standard in every company, in every boardroom, in e very department When females speak and behave in similar fashion to their male counterparts, rather than earning equal accolades and praise, they often incur just the opposite. Boys will be boys, as they say, but women cant seem to win, dismissed as a girl or shunned because of perceived sharp elbows.So if you (through likely no fault of your own) are one of these women being perceived as rough around the edges, what are you to do?Well, in this girls opinion, when were called emotional, bitchy, or fill in the offensive blank, what were really being told is, Im feeling threatened. Its not fair, but its true. So, if you feel like youre in this situation- my advice is to engage in a bit of spit and polish Recognize what is and make some subtle changes that will work to your advantage. Heres how.1.Dont Be Aggressive, Be AssertiveAggressive is defined as being ready or likely to attack, while assertive is defined as showing a confident and forceful personality. When youre assertive, you are authoritative, you look people in the eye at their level, you use a respectful tone, and you calmly make declarative statements. You use a tone thats caring and non-destructive, not one thats dictatorial and my way or the highway.Basically, you bring the threat level down. Try it- no matter what tone everyone else is using- and you just might find that your point comes across even stronger.2.Dont Speak First, Play PiggybackPeople generally like to hear themselves talk. So let them. And when you have something to say, say it- but do so by piggybacking on what your colleagues just said. Use their words to get your own point across.Say you feel strongly about the ever-increasing budget of a project. Instead of fighting to get your message across as soon as possible, try listening first, then chiming in when it makes sense, with something like, Steve, Im really glad you brought up your concerns about the projects delivery dates. Im concerned about that, too, especially for the finan cial implications.3.Dont Disagree, Agree (Even When You Really Dont)I know, I know. Sounds like a bad policy, doesnt it? But hear me out Everything anyone says will include something you will agree with. True, that something may be the fact that its English being spoken, but that doesnt matter. Always start out by agreeing, and then further your message by focusing on how that agreement equates to what you actually want to push forward.For example, Bob, I agree with you that our highest priority is increasing sales leads right now. And I think youll agree that in Q4 we didnt quite deliver, which is why Im suggesting we move forward doing it this way 4.Dont Make Statements, Ask QuestionsThe person who asks the questions holds the power. How? She directs the conversation along without having to actually disagree with anyone. Next time someone says something you want to push back on, piggyback, agree, and redirect with a question So Charlie, when you said earlier that we cut the advert ising budget by 30%- what are your thoughts on how to achieve our customer acquisition goals?One simple, harmless question, and youve gotten your point across without having to disagree with anyone.Is it fair that men and women are perceived differently in the workplace for doing and saying exactly the same things? Not at all. But do I see it happen all the time? Absolutely. And when you find yourself in this situation- when speaking your mind is going to get you nowhere- the best thing you can do is what you do so well in any other business setting Know what youre working with and play the game accordingly.Photo of women in meeting courtesy of Shutterstock.